For the Love Of Charlotte Chptr 2

_Telly was at the apartment in less than 10 minutes, her chocolate brown eyes full of worry. When I opened the door I broke down in her arms, shaking her with my tears. She held me patiently, though I could tell she was dying to know what had happened. When I first told Telly about the night I had with Austin I was really vague on the details. So when she sat me on the couch and waited for me to start my story I predicted the look of surprise that pulled her perfectly arched eyebrows almost an inch above her round, full eyes when I started at the night with Austin 3 months ago. Around 4:30 I suggested we go get something to eat. I wasn't hungry, but I wasn't ready to face Shane yet either-who would be getting off work in a half hour- plus Telly and I weren't done talking. We ended up at Layers, sitting at a table in the far back so no one could overhear. Telly listened intently to my story, not interrupting once or making faces when I described the sex between Austin and I-although she did laugh-she wore the same surprised expression.
_“What are you gonna do now?” Telly asked, taking a bite of her Cesar Salad.
_“I don't know.” I replied shaking my head, twirling the top of my soda bottle between my fingers. I looked around at the small, but crowded coffee shop. It had a very adventurous theme. Pictures of the owner mountain climbing, scuba diving, biking through the woods, camping and a lot of other activities I could never see myself doing were plastered all over the wall. We sat in the back by a small stone fire place in a corner near a large glass window almost as big as the wall itself. It had started to rain and people that were out-mostly college students from the university around the corner-ran through the rain to get to their destinations.
_“Well, first things first. Are you keeping it?”
_My head snapped up in surprise. I knew I shouldn't be mad I had thought the same thing myself in the apartment, but the idea of hurting my baby in any form would be hurting me. “Are you suggesting that I 'get rid of it'?” I whispered fiercely across the table.
_“No, I-”
_“Then what exactly are you saying Telly?”
_“I'm just pointing out that if you decide to have this baby-”
_ “There is no if.” I said cutting my eyes at her. “I'm having this baby.”
_ “Then you're life is about to get a helluva lot more complicated than it already is. Have you thought about what you're going to say to your parents? What about Shane? I know you didn't forget about her. What are you going to tell her? Huh?”
_ “I don't know.” I whispered softly avoiding her eyes. Instead I focused on the puddles in the street to determine how hard the rain was falling.
_ “What about Austin? He's the baby's father, Nisa he has legal rights to that child. Or was he just the sperm donor? Is he going to sit on the sidelines while Shane gets to play daddy?”
_ “If Shane wanted to 'play daddy' do you really think I would be sitting here listening to you bitch about MY decision? MY decision, Telly. MINE! This doesn't have a damn thing to do with you! Do you honestly think I meant to get pregnant at 20?! That since it was a mistake a fucking abortion is the answer?! Its wasn't planned so just press a fucking delete button? Go back to normal?” I hadn't realized I was yelling or standing or making a damn fool outta myself. Nor had I realized that every single patron in the restaurant now had their attention on our conversation. “I am not happy that I am pregnant, Telly. Do I look like I'm jumping for fucking joy right now? I'm scared as hell. No, I don't have everything worked out and no, I don't know what Shane or Austin or my parents or anybody else will say. And to be honest with you I couldn't give a damn. So do me a favor stop trying to tell me what I'm doing wrong cause until you're this person right here-” I said pointing to myself. “you don't know a damn thing about what's 'best'”
_I turned and walked out the restaurant and into the rain, leaving Telly still sitting in her seat, looking around the restaurant in embarrassment and surprise. I began digging in my purse for my keys trying to force down the lump in my throat that felt like I had just swallowed a piece of ice. Telly had always been “suggestive” of the small things in my life. Where I should go, who I should date, what I should wear and I never said anything. Not out of fear, but because some of Telly's advice was good and it worked and she was my friend. But Telly had never been as bold as to tell me I didn't know what I was doing. Which was basically what she was saying about my decision to keep my baby. Who cares that the decision will make my life complicated? I won't throw my child away just because it would be easier for me. I thought that if anybody knew that, Telly did.
_ “Nisa!” I heard Telly yell. Probably finally snapping out of her embarrassment to realize she didn't have her car. I was already at the car when my head instinctively snapped up. “Nisa!” I popped the locks with the alarm control and hopped in, but Telly was already at the passenger side door banging. “Nisa please let me in! I'm sorry!” I paused for a minute looking at her by the door. She had her jacket pulled over her head attempting to protect her hair from the rapidly falling rain. I sighed knowing I wouldn't leave her here. Whether she was being a bitch or not, she was still my best and oldest friend. I popped the locks and she slid in the car.
_ “What Telly?”
_ “Nisa, I'm sorry. I just don't understand. You fought your parents so you could be with Shane. Then Shane broke your heart-” I opened my mouth to defend Shane but she put her hand up to stop me. “You were miserable without her even after your date with Austin, which I was convinced would help if even just a little. Then you get Shane, you finally got your happy ending and now this. Why? When did you become so ready to join the ranks of motherhood? Why now?”
_I didn't answer her. It's not that I wanted to be ignorant or childish its just that....I really didn't know how to explain it. Not even to myself. I had always wanted to be a mother, just not so soon. There was just something so wrong about killing my baby and I knew I wouldn't have the strength to go through the entire pregnancy just so I could give him or her up to someone else. But it was more than that. I started up the car and drove back to my apartment complex so Telly could pick up her car. Telly was quiet the entire ride over, but I knew she wanted an answer to her question. I just didn't know what the answer was yet. Shane text me on my way asking me to pick her up some Taco Bell since I was already out. I would just go pick it up after Telly left I needed more time to myself anyway. We sat in the car in more awkward silence. Telly was waiting and I was trying to find a way to put my jumbled thoughts into words.
_ “Look, I know how you feel about abortions.” Telly said breaking the silence after a few minutes. “And I'm sorry I brought it up. But, Nisi, I don't think you're ready for this. Have you thought about adoption?”
_ “Telly, we both know I'm not strong enough for an adoption.”
_ “You'll be surprised at how strong you can be if you have to.”
_ “I can't Telly.” I said turning to look her in the eye. “It's more than that. I can't imagine myself being a playground mama or the kind whose constantly chasing after a kid in the mall. I haven't seen this baby's face or held it in my arms but I love it already.”
_She looked at me for a minute almost as if to study me, wondering if I would just flake out and get the abortion like she thought I should, but, I was standing firm on this. I knew it would mean complications with Shane and my parents. I wasn't even sure how to begin telling Austin, but I didn't care. Shane would be pissed, hurt, and she might put me out, but I had a job now and I had saved up some money I could get my own place if I needed to. I didn't care what my parents said I wasn't their responsibility anymore, but I guess they needed to know they would be having a grandchild in about...however many months. Telly was right about one thing though, I did need to tell Austin about the baby he had legal rights to him or her. I wasn't sure how to start with any of the above.
_ “I think I'ma go see Granma Lottie tomorrow.” I said suddenly. I knew if anybody could help me figure out what needed to be said, it was her. It had been about two weeks since I last visited her. She acts nothing like my mother which makes me wonder how somebody so wise and understanding gave birth to someone so close-minded and stubborn. Granma Lottie had a way with words that when she talked everybody listened and she always always tells it like it is.
_ “Maybe you should make a doctors appointment tomorrow, too. Just to make sure you really are and to find out how far along you are. I could go with you if you want.” I smiled at her. This was the Telly I knew.
_ “Yeah, I need somebody there. It's been awhile since you seen Granma Lottie anyway.” My grandmother loved all my friends. She even treated Shane like her own when she came over.
_ “You want me to pick you up and we can go have breakfast? You didn't finish telling me the story.”
_ “Okay. I'll talk you tomorrow then.” I gave Telly a hug and made sure she safely got in her car and drove off before I pulled out my parking spot and went to the Taco Bell down the street. As soon as I pulled in the drive thru I heard “Someone” by Musiq Soulchild playing from my purse in the backseat. I answered knowing it was Shane calling to check on me.
_ “Hey baby. I was just about to call you, I'm pulling into the Taco Bell drive thru right now.” I answered pulling up to the intercom.
_ “Aw, okay. I was calling to make sure everything was okay with Telly.”
_ “Liar, you were calling to see what was taking so long.”
_ “AND, to find out when you would be home.” she defended guiltily. I knew if it was up to Shane I would hardly ever leave the house. She was the type of girlfriend who liked to keep me to herself. She wasn't possessive, maybe a little jealous but she liked to have all my attention.
_ “Uh huh. Well, I'm down the street ordering your food. What you want?”
_ “Umm, four soft tacos, some cinnamon twists and a soda.”
_ “Okay babe. I'll be home before you have a chance to miss me.”
_ “Too late.” she joked.
_ “Hush,” I laughed. “I'll be home in a minute.” I hung up and ordered Shane's food and a Mango Fruitista Freeze for myself before pulling around to the window. A girl about 16 or 17 told me my total before rolling her eyes. I sighed internally. For some reason I always had this effect towards women-the straight ones anyway- it's like they immediately didn't like me because I was pretty.
_My skin was the color of beach sand in the morning untouched by water, my eyes were as blue as the water itself at night, a midnight blue and big-not freakishly big but it was always the first thing people noticed about me. My hair stopped between my shoulder blades and was jet black with a brown undertone. My lips were full and pink and I had a small button nose. In my opinion I was decent, not at all like Shane would describe me.
_The girl gave me my change, with attitude of course, before telling me to pull around to the next window. I hoped it wouldn't be another female, cause I wasn't in the mood for attitude. Luckily, it wasn't a girl. It was a boy, around the same age as the girl who looked bored as day as he was putting the food in the bag. As he turned to hand me the food out the window he paused and his eyes widened just a bit before smiling that goofy smile boys get when they want to talk to a girl. I rolled my eyes as he handed me my food muttering flirts. It seemed like the girls didn't like me and the boys didn't know how to act. I wore a rainbow necklace as a deterrent but it never seemed to work.
_ “So, uh, my number is 572-89-”
_ “Excuse me sweetheart, it's not that I don't find this flattering, but,” I interrupted pulling out my rainbow necklace. “I'm gay.” I said smiling before pulling off.
_ I walked into the apartment just 5 minutes after leaving Taco Bell. Shane was sitting on the couch in a white tank top and some basketball shorts watching TV. The first thing I noticed was that her hair-usually braided down to her upper back-was a jet black mass of wavy curls that stopped at the top of her neck and fanned out away from her head. Her dark chocolate eyes were already fixed on the door when I came in. I walked over to the couch and leaned in so she could give me a deep passionate kiss to welcome me home. I ran my fingers down the side of her cheek. I loved the way her skin felt underneath my fingers. The color of creamy peanut butter and just as smooth. I pecked her on the lips once more before handing her food.
_ “Thank you, Baby.”
_ “No problem.” I pecked her once more before heading into the room to get a few minutes to myself.
_ I decided to take a shower and wash my hair. I was careful and took my time, so that I had time to think. How much of our daily routine would change once I told her I was pregnant? Would she look at me differently? Would I even still be living here? Even if she accepted the fact that I was pregnant would she act shady towards the baby? I sighed under the steaming water letting the pressure soothe my stiff muscles. So much would change.
_ When I got out I let my hair dry curly, threw on some sweats and a t-shirt and went back into the living room to cuddle with Shane. She was done eating and had already cleaned off the coffee table and couch. She was laying with her feet in the direction of the TV and her back was propped up against a throw pillow. I climbed over her so that my head was laying across her chest and her heart gently thudded in my ears. I reached up and ran my fingers through her hair just as her arms wrapped tightly around me.
_ I wasn't very tall- just 5'6- but my shape seemed to be perfectly matched with Shane's slim 5'10 figure. I looked up at her face and smiled involuntarily. Although I knew she knew I was looking at her I couldn't help but stare. Her warm dark chocolate eyes, the shape of almonds, were staring straight ahead at the TV. My eyes traced her face, though I knew it better than my own, to her small round nose and full gentle lips. Thinking of her lips-the way she licked them when she was turned on, the set of them when she was concentrating to hard on something, and, now, when she involuntarily bit her bottom lip when I did something that turned her on- brought an intense want to my full attention. I propped myself up on my elbow do that I could kiss her. Her lips, slow and gentle at first, moved in synchronization with my own, my hands tangled in her hair and I gave just the slightest of tugs feeling her arms tighten around my waist. I felt her tongue trace my bottom lip and my hands instinctively pulled even harder on her hair not wanting the kiss to end. I pressed myself into her wrapping the arm I was propped up against around her neck, kissing deeper, more intense, my breathing getting heavier. I knew I had to stop or else I wouldn't be able to. But, with Shane's body pressed into me like this I couldn't concentrate and as warm as she felt I knew I was burning with a flame underneath my skin that only she could ignite