For the Love Of Charlotte Chptr 3

_ I pulled Shane closer and closer, though I could already feel her heart beating wildly against my own chest, her breathing ragged as we continued to get tangled into the kiss that seemed to be intensifying. Impossible, but I could feel the point of stopping becoming further and further from my reach the more tangled my hands become in her hair and the more our bodies intertwined. I wished fervently that I could weld us into one person, to make her feel the crushing love, want, desire, and adoration I had for her, all of which fueled the the need I felt for her now. I untangled one of my hands in her hair and started reaching up her shirt, under her sports bra. I grabbed her breast, warm and erect under my hand, and started massaging. I smiled when I heard the familiar moan leave her lips that still sent shivers down my spine. I planted small kisses to her neck, loving the way her body tensed as I bit, sucked and licked the erect nipple, loving even more how her hands tightened in my hair begging me not to stop. I started to pull her shirt over her head but she pulled my face back to her lips and the kissing began again. My tongue gently stroked her bottom lip, making circles that I knew would drive her insane. I felt her crossing and uncrossing her legs, I felt my mouth watering at just the thought of how wet she would be, how she would taste. My hands went for her basketball shorts making my way down to her pussy. Until she grabbed my wrist.
_ “Baby, stop.” she said with her eyes closed, biting her lip.
_ “ Why?” I asked trying to break the iron grip she had on my wrist.
_ “Aren't you on your period?”
_ “Huh?”
_ “I saw a pad in the trash. It's yours isn't it?”
_ What the hell was she talking about? I sat there with a confused look on my face for half a second before I remembered that Telly was over earlier. It had to have been her because it damn sure wasn't me. I wanted to say no, with all of me I did but I knew eventually- if not tomorrow or tonight- it would raise questions. Questions I didn't have the answer to right now. Although I've always been irregular, I've never missed two periods in a row.
_ “I'm bleeding really light.” I lied pulling my hand back from the waistline of her shorts. “It's my first day, so I barely noticed.”
_ “At least you only stay on for three days. And you know as much as I would love for you to make love to me.” she replied stroking my cheek. “I wanna be able to please you too.”
_ “I know.”
_ “So lets just get back to watching TV, okay?”
_ “Okay.” I sighed.
_ We sat there for a couple minutes watching I Love Lucy reruns. Her arms were wrapped tightly around me, our hands intertwined. I could feel her face buried in my hair breathing in the scent of the vanilla honey shampoo I used, I knew it was her favorite. For the tenth time I wondered if this would change once I had my baby. How much would we change? How much of our relationship?
_ “Hey babe? Do you work tomorrow?” Shane asked suddenly.
_ “Nah, you know I don't work on the weekends unless its an emergency. Why whats up?”
_ “Just asking. I wanted to call off so we can chill together, but I promised Kelly I would take her shift tomorrow.”
_ “That's okay baby. I already made plans with Telly.” and I needed to make some with a doctor I added in my head. “We're going out to eat and then we're gonna go see Lottie.”
_ “Aw, man. I haven't seen Lottie in awhile.”
_ “I know. Hey, I'll tell you what. Maybe next weekend we can go. Just the two of us.”
_ “Okay.”
_ Satisfied that I had finally made some alone time plans with Shane, I laid my head on her chest listening to the steady rhythm of her heart. Since Shane and I started living together I've gotten used to the thrum of her heart beating in my ear. Most times it lulls me to sleep and others it keeps me calm whenever I'm stressing, like now for instance. Even though I had yet to make a doctors appointment I knew my body and I knew I was pregnant. The last couple months I had been so tired, but I thought it was just because my job was working me so hard. I had been really moody too, but now I think Shane's writing that off as PMS and when I get off work I'm always hungry. Now that I thought about it- really sat down and thought about it- the signs were here right in front of my face . . . how could I not have noticed? How could Shane not have noticed? I mean I know she was a stud and all (a chick who dresses like a guy) but some of the femininity had to still be there. I sighed wishing I could talk to her about it but I wanted to have the answers to all the questions I knew she would have. I tightened my arms around her not wanting the tears welling up in my eyes to overflow, if they did I knew she would freak and hassle me until I told her.
_ “Baby, you okay?” she asked, noticing that I had tightened my grip around her waist.
_ “Yeah,” I sighed. “I just really need you to hold me.” When she wrapped her arms around me I felt all the worries I had disappear and I smiled. That is, until I remembered the child growing inside me, the child that wasn't Shane's and the smile faded as quickly as it had come. Eventually the sound of Shane's heart thrumming in my ear pulled me under and I fell into peaceful unconsciousness.
_ The sky was a pale pink when I opened my eyes early the next morning. Shane had just unwrapped her arms from around me and was tiptoeing to the bathroom. She turned when she heard me sitting up.
_ “I'm sorry, Nisi. I tried not to wake you.” She pouted, truly upset that she had disturbed my sleep.
_ “It's okay boo.” I replied trying to remember why I was in the living room instead of my bed. “Damn, we fell asleep on the couch?” I could already feel the tension spots in my back from the uncomfortable couch cushions.
_ Without giving it a second thought, Shane walked back to the couch and swooped me into her arms.
_ “How about I take you to bed before I go to work and when I get off tonight I'll give you a full body massage.” Shane offered before gently laying me on the bed.
_ “Thank you, baby.” she smiled at me before giving me a quick on the lips and heading to the bathroom for her shower.
_ The clock on my nightstand read 7:30 AM in glowing red numbers. I waited until I heard water running and the shower door slide closed before I jumped up and ran to the dresser where my phone sat charging. I scrolled through the numbers until I saw my doctor's. I knew Shane's showers lasted around ten minutes so I had to be quick.
_ “Dr. Golliday's office, this is Kim speaking. How may I help you?” a polite receptionist answered on the third ring.
_ “Hi Kim. My name is Anisa Baptist. I would like to make an emergency appointment with Dr. Golliday please.”
_ “Okay Ms. Baptist. When would you like to make the appointment?”
_ “Does she have any openings today?” I asked peeking around the corner, knowing the shower was drawing to a close.
_ “The only opening she has today is at 9 AM. Is that okay?”
_ “That's perfect.” Shane would just be getting to work and I still would have time to visit Granma Lottie.
_ “Okay Ms. Baptist we'll see you at 9.”
_ “Thank you, Kim.” I hung up the phone just as the water shut off. I quickly turned my phone off, so the glow from the backlight wouldn't catch her attention and put the phone back in place. I ran to the bed and jumped under the covers, pretending to be asleep. I focused on my breathing trying to make it as even as possible as I heard the door open.
_ I listened as Shane did odds and ends around the room. I hoped she put her dirty clothes in the hamper. I constantly have to remind her that I work at an advertising company, not as a maid. I heard her go back into the bathroom and brush her teeth. I heard her gargle the mouthwash for exactly 30 seconds and I resisted the urge to giggle aloud at how precise she was with her morning routine. Then suddenly it was quiet, way too quiet. My back was facing toward the bathroom if I peeked I would see if she was still in the room.After a couple minutes of debating with myself, I opened my eyes the tiniest bit so not to give away my facade. Shane was standing in front of the mirror braiding her hair into its usual 7 braids down the back of her head. I noticed she was getting faster at it. She was already halfway done. I turned on my other side to get comfy, though I had no intention of going back to sleep. I waited patiently listening to the silence, counting my breaths. 129 breaths later I heard soft padded footsteps on the carpet getting louder and louder so I knew Shane was walking towards me. I felt her lips- always soft and gentle- kiss my forehead. I felt a touch of emotion that she still kissed my forehead when she left for work.
_ I heard the thudded footsteps of her work shoes on the hardwood floor in the living room. I knew she was grabbing her lunch she made for herself last night before I came home, then I heard the door close. I waited few minutes before I got out the bed and walked to the living room window. The sun was beginning to peek over the clouds, casting pale pink and lavender shades of light through the window. I looked down at the empty parking space by the door where Shane's car used to be making sure she was gone. After making my daily pot of coffee I called Telly to wake her up. She wasn't exactly a happy camper that the appointment was so early.
_ I was dressed in my usual jeans and a t-shirt-the perfect outfit combination- and some flip flops, watching early morning cartoons when Telly finally made it to the house.
_ “Damn, what took you so long?” I asked opening the door. “It's 8:45.”
_ “I know what time it is.” Telly snapped. “Carter spent the night last night. I had to get him up so he wouldn't be late for work.”
_ “Ooooooh wow, Carter.” I said sarcastically.
_ “Don't start.”
_ “Whatever. You driving?”
_ “Hell no. I don't know where your doctor's office is.”
_ “I always drive.” I said sucking my teeth, but grabbing my keys on our way out the door.
_ The drive to the doctors office was a quiet one, but I didn't expect Telly to be exactly talkative after dealing with Carter. Carter was Telly's fiancé up until she caught him cheating, in her apartment no less. Telly would've forgiven him and taken him back if it wasn't for the fact that his live-in girlfriend called Telly and explained that she and Carter had been together for 2 and a half years and she was pregnant by him in turn making Telly the “chick on the side”. I would love to say that Telly dealt with Carter because she loved the excitement, but I know she still loves him-I mean she was planning a fall wedding with him- even though that's not the case for Carter. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Somebody at home with the kids while he gets his on the side. I tried talking to Telly-more than once actually- to make her see reason, but you can't talk somebody out of love. It's easy to say why you shouldn't love a person, but why we love who we love is complicated. Eventually, I stopped trying trying to talk to Telly she would see on her own and in light of my predicament I wasn't about to bring up now.
_ When we pulled up to the small brick building nestled behind a small shopping center I suddenly felt nervous. The reality hit me harder than it had in my bathroom. I hesitated with my hand on the door handle. What if I wasn't pregnant? Then why the hell haven't you had a period, I thought to myself. What if was? Shane and I haven't talked about kids before. The subject had never been brought up. Did that mean she didn't want them at all? Would she want my baby? Would she walk out on us both? I started feeling lightheaded. Why hadn't I thought of these questions at first? Why did the same questions keep making their way into my consciousness? Most of all, what made me so sure I could do this? What made me so sure I could be a mother?
_ “Nisa?” Telly asked. I was still frozen, my hand on the handle. The lightheadedness came on stronger, faster. Why was the car spinning?
_ “Nisa, breathe.” Telly was around to my side of the car kneeling in front of me. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath. I exhaled feeling the dizziness disappear with the air released from my lungs.
_ “What's wrong? Are you sick?” I shook my head no
_ “Do you feel queasy?” Again, I shook my head no.
_ “Then what is it?”
_ “I'm scared, Telly.” I whispered.
_ “That's why I'm here.”She smiled. “So you don't have to be.”
_ I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car into the warm late August air. Telly had her hand firmly on my arm as we walked up the small sidewalk to the doctors office. I was really glad Telly was there to hold my hand but I wished it was Shane. I needed for her to tell me it was going to be okay, but as long as I kept this secret from her I would always be unsure if we would be okay again.
_ The small waiting room had one other occupant. A tall, tanned man sat on the opposite of Telly and I. He kept himself occupied by flipping through what looked like the only masculine magazine in the room. He looked nervous by the way his leg was shaking and the way he glanced at the clock above the entry way every other minute. He looked every bit as nervous and anxious as I felt. A short pale woman walked out of the room in the next second and from the glow on her face it was plain to see whatever was told to her was good news. She walked over to where the man now stood. All she did was nod her head yes and he picked her up in an excited hug. The kiss they shared after the hug was so intimate and private I felt the need to look away, like when you're a kid watching a sex scene with your parents.
_ “Ms. Baptist?” the nurse standing in the entry way called. “Dr. Golliday is ready to see you now.”
_ Telly stood with me like we were linked. She still had grip on my arm like we were walking on ice. I was glad she did because I started to feel dizzy again.
_ “I'm sorry, Ms. Baptist, she can't come in with you.”
_ “What?” I looked at the nurse like she had lost her mind. I couldn't do this by myself. I needed Telly. My legs felt like rubber.
_ “It's okay.” Telly said. I shook my head “no”. “Yes, it is. You're not doing this for me. You're doing this for your baby. Let that be your strength.” I knew she was right. My child should have been all the strength I needed but I was still scared.
_ The nurse took my arm from Telly and we walked into the small hallway that smelled strongly of hand sanitizer. I turned around to see Telly's encouraging smile just as the door closed.