For the Love Of Charlotte Chptr 4

_ I gazed out the window, staring blankly at the stretch of trees until the leaves morphed into a steady green blur. I was grateful when Telly offered to drive to Granma Lottie's because I was in no condition or mood to drive, I was also grateful that I had an hour and a half to think about what I was going to say. My grandmother stayed in a small town miles away from the nearest city where the rest of my family stayed. I used to love coming to see her as a little girl just me and my little sister, Ashley. The fresh air, open space, and long summer days were something Ashley and I didn't get back home. We were rarely allowed anywhere but the front yard, which was barely big as a small apartment bedroom. Granma Lottie was old school but really hands on. She made lemonade from actual lemons, chocolate chip cookies from scratch, fresh pancakes and bacon in the morning, and sewing in the living room at night. Then she would turn around and go swimming in the lake down the street from her house with us and get on all the rides at the fair-whenever it came-even though she was deathly afraid of heights, she would chase us with the water hose and sometimes- if her back was acting rite- she would take us camping. I smiled at the memory, reminiscing of the days when things were simple. Granma Lottie was also the easiest person for me to talk to, whenever my mother and I would clash I would pick up the phone and call Granma. How would I tell her the situation I had gotten myself into now? She'll probably think I'm fickle and can't make up my mind. She might even side with my parents on this one. I could almost hear her saying “Well Babydoll, you made your bed now you gotta lay in it.” The knot in my stomach tightened when the houses sporadically placed on the side of the road turned into businesses meaning we were getting closer.
_ “You hungry?” Telly asked suddenly, causing me to jump an inch out of my seat.
_ “You're hungry?” I asked in disbelief still holding my chest. “Why didn't you eat before you left the house?”
_ “Oh my gosh, you're so right I should have grabbed something in the 45 minutes I even knew about the appointment.”
_ “You would've had plenty of time had Carter not been there.”
_ “Isn't there a McDonald's around here?” Telly asked ignoring my statement.
_ “There should be one in a few minutes.”
_ A couple songs on the radio later and we were pulling out of the drive-thru. I got a large fry and a vanilla shake. Telly on the other hand ordered damn near everything on the Dollar-Menu.
_ “How much longer to Lottie's?” Telly asked after finishing her double cheese-burger.
_ “Like, 5 minutes.”
_ “You gon' have to tell me exactly what street to turn on it's been so long.”
_ “Tell me about it. I used to visit twice a month if I could. It's not even that now between working full time and keeping Shane occupied.”
_ “Speaking of Shane do you know how you're going to tell her yet?” She asked cautiously, looking at me out the side of her eyes.
_ “No.”
_ “Nisa, you need to tell her before she finds out on her own and trust me her hearing it from you will be like an air bag. It won't stop the pain, but it'll cushion the blow.”
_ “Whose gon' tell her? The only people who know are my doctor and you and, hopefully, Granma after today.”
_ “So you plan on not telling her?!”
_ “I plan on telling her on my own time, actually” Telly shook her head in disbelief. “I don't know how to tell her.”
_ “'Hey, Babe, I'm pregnant' could work.”
_ “It's not that simple.” I whispered.
_ “Well, it sure as hell doesn't have to be that complicated.”
_ “Turn here.”
_ The rest of the drive was silent except for a turn here every now and then. When we pulled up to the house I knew something wasn't right. My mother's car was out front and she never came to visit to my Granma. Especially not since they had that falling out about me and my sexual preferences. When I knocked on the screen door I heard laughing and talking.
_ “Granma Lottie!”
_ “Babydoll!!!” I heard her first and then I saw her not looking a day over 45 when in reality she was close to 70. Her sapphire blue eyes sparkled with excitement like a little kid who had just won a trip to Disney Land. She had on jeans and a lime green and white polka dotted shirt. Her long salt and pepper colored hair was pulled back into a ponytail because of the August heat. Her arms were open wide and when I ran into them I felt a wave of peace surrounding me.
_ “Hey Lottie.” I heard Telly say from behind me. I felt my Granma wave and then she squeezed me extra tight.
_ When she let me go I saw my mother standing directly behind what looked like a mirror image of myself at 16. Ashley stood in front of my mother and looked more and more like me everyday. The only difference between her and myself was that Ashley's eyes were a soft, creamy brown.
_ “Hey sissy!” I exclaimed hugging her as tight as I could.
_ “Hi Nisi!” Ashley yelled.
_ “Man, you know we could be twins now?”
_ “I know. You should see how many people mistake me for you on our street. At least until they get up close and notice the eyes.”
_ “Hey ma.” I said reluctantly addressing my mother.
_ “Nisa, could I see you in the kitchen please?” she asked before turning and walking it the opposite direction.
_ “Gee, mom life is swell thanks for asking.” I replied allowing my voice to drip with sarcasm.
_ “I didn't ask for the attitude, Anisa. Just bring your ass in the kitchen.” my mother said not bothering to turn around. I looked at Ashley who shrugged, then at Telly who had her “Giiiiiiirrrrrrrl” look on her face, finally at my grandmother who just shook her head.
_ My mother was already sitting at the table as I made my way into the kitchen. She sat with her arms and legs crossed which told me right off the bat she had an attitude. Of course I had nothing to do with the reason why she had the attitude but that wouldn't stop her from taking it out on me. I took a deep breath, counted to 10 and sat down in the seat across from her. She sat there staring at me for what felt like hours and I learned from the days she froze me out after telling her I was gay that looking away from one of her stares was worse than putting up with the attitude.
_ “What is it mother?” I asked irritatedly after several more minutes of complete silence.
_ “Your grandmother is sick.” She replied without hesitance, as if she had been waiting on me to ask.
_ “What?”
_ “She doesn't know that I know. Her doctor called me because she couldn't get in touch with her after she was diagnosed. She says her condition is accelerated. When she couldn't get in touch with her she feared she had hurt herself or some other danger so she called me.”
_ “Ma, you're not making any sense. What is she diagnosed with? Why haven't you told her that you know or even Ashley for that matter? And why are you telling me?”
_ “Her doctor says she's being stubborn she won't come in to receive a prescription, she won't return her phone calls, she won't even accept her requests to get a second opinion, Anisa it's like she's just waiting to die. I haven't told her because she'll just get upset and say its none of my business and I don't want Ashley worrying unnecessarily.”
_ “Okay....why me?” I asked still confused and feeling a little bit worried myself.
_ “You're her favorite. I need you to convince her to at least call her doctor back and listen to reason.”
_ “Okay. I'll talk to her.” I sighed staring at the table. My mother got up and started to walk back into the living room. She appeared 5 years older just from having the conversation.
_ “Hey ma,” I called. She turned to face me. “What is it? That she's diagnosed with?”
_ “Alzheimer's.”
_ She walked out of the kitchen leaving me there with my thoughts and emotions. A normal mother would have comforted me, wrapped her arms around me, told me it would be okay, something. Of course my mother hasn't touched me. Scared to death she'll catch the “Homo Flu”.
_ “Ashley, it's time to go.” I heard my mother announce from the living room.
_ “Can I stay, mom?”
_ “No, get up, let's go.”
_ “Come on Mom, we haven't seen Granma in forever.”
_ “Ashley, I'm not going to ask a third time.”
_ I snapped out of the trance I was in and walked into the living room.
_ “Ma, I'll take her home.” I offered. I knew Ashley needed a get away. Hell I remember when I needed a get away and Granma's was the only place I could come.
_ My mother looked from me to Ashley and back at me again before she mumbled a fine and left out the door. Ashley mouthed a thank you and I smiled. There was a moment of silence and I knew everybody was waiting on me to say something else but I stood there staring at the ground trying to get my words together. I felt immensely guilty. I've always tried to call my Granma every day but I've been so tired the last couple months that the calls have slipped to one or twice a week at most. Had I been calling more often I would have noticed the signs. How advanced was it? Had she already begun forgetting little things? I sighed internally. I had to find a way to get her alone so I could talk to her about it. I still didn't want Ashley to know yet. She was a worrywart. As if on cue Ash's stomach growled so loud that we all broke out into laughter. I tossed my keys to Telly.
_ “Hey why don't you take Ash around the corner back to that McDonald's? That way you can get that one dude's number you thought was cute.”
_ “Okay. Come on kidd.”
_ When they left I took Ashley's place next to my Granma and waited a little longer to compose exactly what I wanted to say. It must've been on my face that I was contemplating something.
_ “What is it Babydoll?”
_ “Granma, why didn't you tell me you were diagnosed with Alzheimer's?” I said not wanting to beat around the bush.
_ “Because it was nothing.” she replied not the least bit surprised that I knew.
_ “Your doctor said it's accelerated, what does that mean? Did you go get a second opinion?”
_ “I got a second and a third and the third said it was worst than what my doctor told me. I'm already in stage 3.”
_ “Then why haven't you been trying to get help?”
_ “Baby, there ain't no cure for this here. Any medicine I take will be prolonging the inevitable.”
_ “But if you don't take anything the more you'll progress and.....” I took a deep breath. “And I want you here when your great grandbaby is born.”
_ I heard her gasp and then she went silent. She didn't scold me and she didn't yell. I looked into her face and instead of seeing a look of disgust or detest like I would have gotten from my mother, her eyes were filled tears.
_ “Oh baby.” she said taking me into her arms. I knew right then all my fears about how she would take my pregnancy had been foolish. She knew I would never do this on purpose and she could tell that I was as scared as I looked. “How far along are you?”
_ “3 months.” I said through sobs. I proceeded to tell her who, what, and when. I'm pretty sure she could manage with the how. After what felt like hours of crying and talking Telly and Ashley finally returned. I guess Telly knew I needed sometime alone with Lottie and I was grateful for that even though it wasn't for the reason she thought.
_ We stayed a little while longer before I decided I needed to get Ashley home because it was a school night and I needed to get home before Shane started freaking out. I already had 9 voicemails from her and countless texts. Only God knows how many times she called because I had turned my phone off. Lottie was sad to see us go but I satisfied her some with promises to come back next weekend with Shane and to call as often as I could.
_ I dropped Ash off first because she was closest. She talked non-stop about problems going on at school and her friends and love interests and I started feeling bad again because I hadn't been calling Ash as much either. I made a mental note to call her tomorrow too.
_ “So did you tell her?” Telly asked anxiously when Ash was out of the car.
_ “Yeah, thanks for occupying Ashley for me.”
_ “No problem, she's not as bad as she used to be when we were younger.”
_ “Telly, Lottie has Alzheimer's.” I blurted out keeping my eyes on the road.
_ “That's what your mom wanted to talk to you about, huh?”
_ “Yeah, and Telly it's bad. She's already in stage 3 like its accelerated or something.”
_ “Wow. I take it Ash doesn't know.”
_ “No mom doesn't want to upset her. Ashley'll obsess over it and worry.”
_ “Does she know about the baby?”she asked tentatively.
_ “Yeah, and she wasn't nearly as bad as I know my parents will be. You saw my mom today.”
_ “Girl, yeah, who put the stick up her ass?”
_ I giggled. “That's just mom.”
_ “I'm just sayin' in case she hasn't noticed you are grown now.”
_ “Lottie thinks I'm having a girl.”
_ “Really?” Telly squealed with excitement. “Is that what you want?”
_ “I just want a healthy baby.” I said putting one hand over my stomach as I drove.
_ I dropped Telly off at her apartment after giving her a hug and thanking her for being there. I truly would have lost it if it wasn't for Telly. Routinely I called Shane to see if she wanted anything before I came home, but strangely she didn't answer. When I pulled up to our apartment complex her car was there. The window which I had been standing in earlier this morning-which seemed like another life ago- was dark so the lights were off. Maybe she's sleeping, I thought to myself which didn't seem like a bad idea. Mentally I was exhausted I was suddenly craving the blissful unconsciousness of sleep. When I went into the apartment it was quiet and dark except for the red light on the answering machine.
_ “Baby!” I called into the darkness.
_ Suddenly a light flipped on and there she was. She looked as if she had been crying and now just wore a look of pure hate on her face. Her presence startled me so that I jumped.
_ “Shit!” I yelled clutching my chest. “Baby you scared me.”
_ “I'm sorry. Didn't mean to.” I walked over to give her a kiss. “You have a message.” She said before my lips touched hers.
_ “Okay, I'll check it later. How was your day?” I said putting my purse and keys down by the door.
_ “You should really check it now.” She said interrupting the end of my sentence.
_ “Oookay.” I walked over to the answering machine and pushed the replay button.
_ “Hi Ms. Baptist this is Kim from Doctor Golliday's office.” My heart stopped as soon as I recognized the name and voice. I could feel Shane's eyes burning a head into the back of my skull so there was no need to look her way. “You left out so fast we didn't get to schedule your ultrasound appointment for next month. Unfortunately, the number we have for your cell was disconnected so I'm guessing you got a new number. Congratulations by the way. We'll set your appointment for the 15th of September and make sure you bring a blank tape or DVD to get the baby's heartbeat. Have a good night.” I sat there staring at the answering machine for a full five minutes before I heard Shane behind me.
_ “Anything you wanna tell me?”